October 23, 2019
It’s okay to really really want to get married.
I said it.
We live in a strange time. If you open up IG right now you can probably find all of the following within 2 minutes:
– a baby announcement
– an engagement
– a “real life” post about struggles
– a new job announcement
As women, it’s common now to find people getting married at 20 and also at 35. You can find people who are crushing it at a new job or business venture but slightly lonely. You can also find someone who is trying to start a side hustle with a baby on their hip & feeling like they missed their chance because they started a family too early.
If you want to compare yourself – for better or worse – it doesn’t take more than 2 minutes. Want to feel ahead in life? You got it. Want to feel behind? You got that, too.
It doesn’t end because there’s not a very straight line any more.
I’ve had several conversations lately with single friends (ranging from 23-30) who feel like their missing out but they wouldn’t dare let it show. So I wanna give some insight from the “other side”
Today’s mantra (yes, even in some church cultures) is “to each their own”. All paths of life are great.. everyone is doing great.. anything you wanna do is great. It’s confusing because how do we know what’s actually great if everything is?
Here’s the thing.. I would never, ever want to see my friends feel like they’re on the outside looking in just because they aren’t married. That would crush me. I do not desire that
Marriage is so freaking good.
And I believe it’s better than being single.
(Okay don’t leave me yet)
I’ll give a disclaimer really quickly before I lose you: I don’t think every single person should or has to get married if they don’t want to. I don’t believe marrying just anybody will make your life better. I’m strictly talking about God given, God breathed, committed for life kind of marriages..
They are better than being single.
No, I don’t believe that makes this time not purposeful. I don’t believe marriage would even have the same depth without some time of singleness. I don’t think you need to feel sad or left out. I don’t think there’s a single thing wrong with you. But I DO think it matters that I don’t downplay the fact that it’s really good, and before I was married – I really really wanted to be married. Not in an anxious way, but an expectant way.
I’m thankful now that I didn’t shy away from that because it made that fulfilled desire go so much further than just “getting married”. It meant God saw my desires and chose to bless me! He hears me and responds because He loves me (same goes for you).
another disclaimer: there are A LOT of things I’m asking God for now that I don’t yet have. Probably things you’ve had forever or don’t even realize you have. I’m (trying & struggling) to believe that He has those good things for me, too. It doesn’t bless me or God to assume He wouldn’t bless me because of A, B or C.
It’s not JUST about marriage.. but this one good gift I can attest to for you simply because I’m here.
My friend, if you want to get married, you don’t have to keep saying you’re enjoying your independence. You don’t have to hide yourself in other accomplishments. You don’t have to dream up a back up plan life with God that doesn’t include getting married.
You don’t have to try to seem unbothered by the fact that you want someone & they aren’t here. You are allowed to want this and not look desperate or needy.
You are allowed to really really want to share your life with someone and still be respected.
I say marriage is better than single because, my friend, some of you are letting your dreams die simply because you’re afraid God has skipped over you. I don’t say it because I want you to feel sad or to say your life is incomplete.. I say it because YOU want it & you’re allowing yourself to buy into the idea that “it doesn’t make that big of a difference compared to living with friends”. You’re talking yourself into being afraid to hope
If you’ve read this far, I’m hoping your hope is rising again (& possibly the fears that go along with it).
I don’t know who. I don’t know when. I don’t know how.
But I DO know that God puts desires in our hearts to satisfy them in the best way possible, not to torture us. What kind of gift would it be if we act like “we’re cool whether we have it or not”?
God, marriage is good. We want Your good and perfect gifts. We don’t want to try to take from You.. we want what’s provided from Your hand only. But God.. we really really want it. We do desire it & it’s scary. God, you know the person reading this right now. You know that if they’re honest, they would admit they don’t want to keep doing life without a partner. Now they’re going to put their hope in YOU and know YOU are good and YOU satisfy the desires you create in us. Lord, bring the right God-fearing men into each and every individual lady’s life who is reading this right now. Prepare their hearts for the blessings ahead! Let hope arise again and let them trust that YOU do not let them be put to shame.